Melbourne Day 1

Yeah so Me 'n Matt went to Melbourne. It was pretty boss. It's been hard finding the time to put this all down because I got right back into work the day after we came back. It was a four day trip, and it started off with us sprinting to the airport at like 5 in the morning.

We were surprised when we were shuttled onto this bus that had no seats that drove us out across the runway to our little Virgin airline flight. This should have been the main warning sign that we had skimped out as much as possible on our flight. Obviously they wanted to avoid the horrendous parking meters and their tolls by parking their plane on the grass.

We jumped on and took off, making this Matt's first international flight. On the flight we discussed how Australians don't bother with small measurements, because of how big the whole place was.

We landed and got a shuttle into Melbourne. We talked about why were to terrified to go looking for new and better jobs. Also the place looked like a slightly less green version of South Auckland. And the trees had been scribbled into existance. I wasn't particularly impressed with Melbourne at first. I guess that's the down to the unfortunate route through industrial territory. 

This is the first interesting looking building I saw coming out of the industrial area.

I had the bomb shell dropped on me that Australia didn't have Burger King, but Hungry Jacks, which doesn't sound anywhere near as cool. P.s. all the regular burgers in Australia have a more mustardy zing to them which weirds me out.

We dumped our shit at the Hotel on South Bank and headed across the river to the city. The River is pretty brown, like the creek out the back of my place. It's also infested with rowers.

I found this crazy alley with graffiti in it. It constantly has kids spraying it and putting up stickers. It's like street art heaven. I recommend hunting for it if you are ever there. Better than any art gallery you'l ever go to (And trust me, we went to an art gallery as well.)

We scouted for dairys near the hotel where we could get toothbrushes and coke for the Bourbon we got at Duty Free. This was the view above us. It took me far to long to take this photo cause I kept flipping the cameras on my phone. This is the view above.

And this is a view from below. That's how my face always looks when I'm taking a photo.

Fucking Trollz is in Melbourne as well.

There were a bunch of these bins that had been taken out. It was pretty cool. Around here we got accosted by our first street person. It was a big daggy girl that was trying to make us sponsor Orphans Aid, which coincidentally my girlfriend just starved herself for, so I felt under no obligation to sign up again. She asked "Hey guys! You from around here?" "..Yuuup!" "Is it your day off work?" "...Yuuup!" "Ok, can I ask you three questions." "Alright but you have until our crossing light goes off." "Alright, whats the biggest killer of Children in Africa?" "Starvation" "N-" "THAT'S OUR LIGHT WE GOTTA GO GO GO GO MATT!"
Apparently Matt bumped into her again later and she gave him the evils.

This picture above is unrelated, but Matt took way to long in the toilet and I was worried he had either wandered off or died on the can. I almost went looking but I was only slightly more concerned with trying to get the wifi on my phone going.

There are bees on the Skydeck tower. We don't know why, but there are. Also this is one of the views from our floor on the hotel. So we were directly underneath the Skydeck, which boasts the highest viewing platform in the Southern Hemisphere, but isn't as tall as the Skytower, which cheats by having a useless aerial on it.

This is a big ass thing inside of a mall. It's pretty intense.

We then wandered that night and got hammered way to early. Our body clocks kept telling us it was later than it was. Some randoms told us a good place to get this amazing pizza. We went in and some poor girl dropped her entire thing on the floor. I stared for way way to long because I had to much beer, before apologizing saying that it made us really sad she dropped her pizza and that we were thinking of buying her another one if she wasn't getting a replacement free anyway.

Skadi as Diseasoid

So Katie is doing a Costume contest thing, so here's my contribution. Just a simple costume switch. I guess this is how Skadi would blend into a group of Bush Beasts, Maybe Diseasoids parents or something. Maybe the costumes made out of Diseasoids parents. That'd be great.
Hopefully she digs it. Dig it Katie! Like a hole that is easily dug!

Also Becky did one, It's Penny Arcade Themed.

Office Responsibilities

I was having a conversation with one of my coworkers the other day about office extra curricular chores. He's a smoker and has been saddled with the task of taking the trash out to the bins outside when he goes for a fag. Somehow he's also been hooked into doing the dishes in the tiny little kitchen as well. Also the other day he was complaining about how fast we went through toilet rolls.

You see, I'm the exact opposite. If I see the possibility of getting hooked into one of these activities I do all I can to not be a creator of the mess. I avoid making dirty cups and dishes at all costs. I don't smoke and it's a well known fact non smokers never ever venture outside, as that is the designated smokers zone.

Also I don't particularly enjoy changing the toilet rolls as the entire mechanism which binds the paper to the wall collapses into pieces if you even attempt to pry the old roll loose. So I normally get cracking into the next one instead. After explaining this my coworker explodes "SO IT'S YOU!! D:<"

I made this video to illustrate.

iOS 7

Left: iOS7 on an iPhone 4. Right: Some Android 

So I got the iOS 7 update this morning. Had a little trouble validating it or something but it eventually sorted itself out. I was pretty excited for it. At this juncture my one big complaint is the new folder system that only shows you 9 apps at a time and then needs to be swiped to see the next page full. Makes a bit of sense on the iPhone (arranging apps on different pages is a bitch though) but on an iPad it's nine folders swimming in a sea of nothing in the middle of the screen. Also the gradient on the Newstand looks gross.

Just got the iOS 7 update on my iPhone 4. Doesn't seem to be reading my fingerprints yet. Steve wouldn't have let this happen.
— Izak Flash Man (@Izak_Flash) September 18, 2013

Going into it I was excited for a more Android like environment to work in, but when I was done it felt more like a cartoon network phone. And Android stuff can vary wildly anyway it seems. I think that's the worst part. If Android releases an aesthetic that no one likes, people can just go and reskin it. In the Apple scene it's either their way or go eff yourself. And just deal with it till they feel like they need to change it again.
That old Aesthetic had to go though, it urked me from day one.
I'm actually a pretty recent iPhone adopter, like in the past couple months. First smartphone ever. The main difference now is that toilet time has now turned into Find A New App time.

Media Advanced Screening: Machete Kills

So I got to go to my first ever Media Screening for a movie. Pitty it couldn't have been for something a little bit more epic, or something people would say "Oh man, I can't wait for that movie!" What I'm really trying to say is, I wish people envied me more often. As it was we got to see Machete Kills.
We got an email and Heemi put our names down for us. I asked if we would get into the mint gold class cinema and get given goody bags and generally fawned over. Andre shut that one down pretty fast for me.
We went to the cinema in the Metro near the Aotea Center. Cinema 10. Smallest room there. We just wandered up and a lady with a guest list marked us off. She couldn't find all our names (she put in at least 30%) but just gave up and said "Eh, there's enough room, go on in." The room was mostly full of beardy dudes with glasses and the mood was generally jovial.
The lady came in and told us she hoped we'd seen the original movie (I hadn't) and that there was no rating for the movie yet. She added that it would definitely be R18 though. She also said there was no Embargo, so go ahead and write something nice about the movie ASAP.
Heemi literally poured popcorn on us and the movie started. There was the single logo ad at the start for the theatre and then it went straight into the movie.
The mood in the cinema stayed pretty neat throughout the movie, everyone seemed to have a good laugh.
Afterwards I looked around to see how many notebooks I could see being jotted in. Just one, from some lady.

Machete Kills
I haven't seen the original, so I can't say anything like "If you liked the first one then you'l love this!" although Bruce had seen the original, and seemed to be the only one excited about going and seeing it.
Turns out it's actually quite a fun movie. The trailer for it makes it look way shitter than it really plays out. The laughs come from the ridiculous ways people get killed, which is the main pull for going and seeing it really.
I wasn't expecting to have as much fun watching it as I really did. I'd recommend not taking your girlfriend to it, cause she's probably gonna not like it. But bros will dig it. Wait for a cheap Tuesday or something before going and seeing it.

SE Logo & The Lost Cat Kidney

Just a logo concept I really liked and decided to put up. One sort of person I'll never be sorry for again, students. Seriously. They'd get months to do a logo, and still somehow leave it till the last minute.
It's officially been over 9 months since I started here and I think I'm in a groove at the moment. I'm getting plenty of opportunities to indulge my font fetish.
It was my birthday a few days ago. I'm all of 24 and still no broken bones, although I have been embracing the working stiff lifestyle, so the chances of breaking bones has diminished unfortunately. It's all a little bit sad. The other day I was walking home and I realised I'd hardly be able to jump over the tall recycle bins like I used to. I'd probably be able to jump inside the bins, but that extra two feet to clear it may be a bit much.
I'm generally pretty secretive about my birthday, I don't like making a fuss about it because it means I need to do things and peoples evening hinges on me to much. And I just can't handle that sort of pressure. What if it sucks and everyone goes "Man, remember that day 24 years after Izak was born, didn't it suck?" "It did. Let us curse that day and all those who are spawned on it."
So Becky needed to ring work and tell them about it. She gave specific instructions to humiliate me.
The guys at work coerced me into buying them a round after work on Friday as a way of celebrating my birthday. I exclaimed that this was bullshit and that there had been some sort of perversion of tradition. I went along with it anyway, getting to the ol' Sprig & Fern again I ordered up some Pilsners that came to 49 bucks. I was pulling out my card when Andre valiantly told me to put it away. He's a legend and a tease.
I was telling them I should really get my mum a birthday present on my birthday, because she's the one that did all the work, I just made the whole situation worse by crying and stuff. Just as the waitress came to put chips on our table I exclaimed, "I mean, I RUINED HER VAGINA."
The guys then decided I had humiliated myself and their mission from Becky had been fulfilled. I begged to differ. Humiliation could not be pronounced or prescribed upon someone if they didn't feel it.

Hey Arnold Smoking it Up

So then I proceeded to tell them "the lost cat Kidney" story. I had a look through the blogs archives and I couldn't see it anywhere, I guess because the event occured prior to the creation of this blog, which is good. Because this story needs a modicum of time distance seperation so I don't come under the full brunt of peoples ridicule and aghastness. So here it is.
I was working at Allied Workforce at the time, and I was waiting for my temporary employer for the day to come pick me up from the main road which swishes past my little street. On a signpost nearby was a missing cat poster, an idea that had been given to me some time ago came rattling to the top of my conciousness "I have to do this!" I thought to myself. I deftly typed in the number provided and wrote the message "Your cat has the biggest Kidney I have ever seen."
A little while later I received the text (I'm paraphrasing, this was a while ago) "Your a sick fuck! You ate my cat!" I think it was a bit longer than that, but that's what it boiled down to.
Near the end of the day I recieved a call from the SPCA. A lady with a stern voice ascertained who I was and asked me if I had contacted someone earlier that day, to which I admitted to straight away. The voice told me the person was pretty upset by the whole thing and some people actually love their pets. I sincerely apologized as much as I could and the SPCA let it drop, which was awfully nice.
I was going to buy the address some chocolates and leave it in their letterbox. But I didn't.

I'd like to clear some things up however. I totally didn't try and infer I ate the cats Kidney. They extrapolated to a wrong conclusion. If I HAD seen their cats Kidney, I probably wouldn't have sent that text. If it was a person who was missing, I wouldn't have sent that sort of text, even if I had seen their kidney. Anyway, I know this is a story which makes me look like an asshole. But it happened, so it should be written down.

   

Find-A-Pub 2

It can be stated on the record that we are operating in a tight radius around my work at the moment. Mostly because there are a bunch of nice bars there, and partly because they are the only one's I'm aware of. Also free parking. Free parking in Auckland CBD is nothing to be snubbed. People that hold this power can command entire ravenous groups of humans (of up to about a group of 3 or 4 depending on how many seats you have in your car) and are generally rewarded with sober driving.

Sale St is a bar I walk past quite a bit but have never been inside. Turns out it's like the Tardis, it's huge on the inside. I grabbed some form of a Monteiths for 9 bucks. Ouch. I guess they had to pay that Vegas singer girl somehow. Incidentally, that's what the three guys on the left hand side of the logo in the above image are ogling at. She was a mint singer though. There were two randoms in front of her doing really weird dancing the whole time. We figured they were friends who came along to back her up.

The sofas were classy, but it was a bit hard for me to hold a conversation with the sound up so high and the minimum appropriate sitting distance being so wide.

Matt really dug it. He said he wishes I was richer so we could actually eat. Cheers man.

Becky had no opinion because she wasn't there. Maybe another time, I wasn't aware of their homebrews.

Find-A-Pub

I haven't had a lot of free time to post recently due to work and wanting to spend my last 2 waking hours of free time after work flying a helicopter or something in Battlefield 3. Am I apologising to you? No.

Me 'n Matt went to Melbourne a week or two ago, which is a video and a post or two for another time. But one thing we noticed over there was how rad their pubs are. Determined to appreciate Auckland in the same way we have started exploring around for some nice cosy place.

It's not hard to find something cosy in this weather. Pretty much anything that's dry and mildly warm will do, like the inside of a Kangaroos pouch, or a fat persons armpit, two things we spent a lot of time in in Melbourne.

Poor image quality is inexcusable

First place we headed off to was the Sprig & Fern. They had a mint collection of craft beers and they accomodated our indecision by giving us a sampler tray thing, which resembles the wooded spoon I got a hiding with when I was a kid. Except the usual nails and screws that would pop out of it have been replaced with holes for little mini cups of beer.

I dug the Pilsner the most I think. I don't think I'm a dark ale guy. Although with that said I have had a nice one. Wish I knew its name though. Then I could avoid all the others.

The vibe of the place was nice enough, Becky liked it. They had a guy on guitar who was a bit loud for my liking, but no one else seemed to mind.

Becky, I & Matt at the next place up the road, Brothers Beer Ltd. Mutant Pale Ale all around. Was yum. They have a lot of sofas and stuff which appeals to my chillaxed nature quite a bit. It is a little cramped though, and has a decent pile of people hanging out there.

A mint photo of the signage to prove we've been there.
Turns out Matt preloaded so we had Burger Fuel and called it a night. I tried forcing him into a bush by shoving him a lot and going "Get into the bush! Get into the bush!" in a vaguely provocative manner. He paniced and pulled out a plant and wacked me over the face with it, knocking my glasses off. Becky, acting as the observer, told us afterwards there were a bunch of Indian guys across the road looking real worried and about to cross the road to sort us out. We coulda taken 'em I reckon.

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