An essay In 3 minutes 33 seconds

I have done this before, last time I did an essay probably. So here it is. A rundown of my essay written in three minutes and thirty three seconds, and to time It I'm using Streetlight Manifestos "They Provide The Paint For The Picture-Perfect Masterpiece That You Will Paint On The Insides Of Your Eyelids" (This is also to celebrate the release of their new album "99 songs of revolution") The song is an extra second, don't let that kill the experience though. Lol

Here goes:

Ok so the question I was asking myself was about whether design was a reflection of cultural change or was bringing about the change. Obviously it was a reflection of the thought patterns of various time periods. To think that one sector of society like Art and design could totally overthrow the way people thought would be Egotistical to say the least. I think its loltacular how no matter what course you do at uni, your told that its the most important thing EVER. And that if the world didn't have people like you we would be in a nuclear holocaust right now or something. Anyways, I wrote about futurists (1900s). They were kinda scitzo tbh. They glorified war, hated woman (?), Hated museums/libraries and the past. They thought We should burn all those old relics and stuff. Which is stupid since where would we put all their-

Crap. Ran outa time. Oh well. Its in the past now. (forgets everything and goes and plays a game)

TTAM SI 12 | 21 IS MATT

Wow. I have really left this blog alone for far to long. I'm at uni now. Like week four. Its awesome thus far. I was gonna do a "0 week and what I saw" series. But since uni isn't new to me anymore, And I didn't DO anything during 0 week I didn't.

But something that has been planned since before I went back to uni, and which only came to fruition this weekend was Matts surprise 21st. Wooo. Well, he wasn't surprised he was 21. But he was a bunch of people were at his house after our epic day in Hamilton. Let me get the background story out of the way with the use of emails Between myself and MK1, the best comic book store in NZ. Or at least Hamilton.

(This is a recreation of the first message I sent them Since I don't have a copy.)

Hi There, Big fan of your store. Got A lot of My munchkin collection from you guys. I would like to order munchkin "Blank Cards" The christmas munchkin, and Faerie munchkin expansion packs. We'll come down from Aux to pick them up. Since I'm freaking out right now I'll just tell you the situation so I can feel a bit better. I have to get my friend out of the house for the day, and well, He doesn't go outside much. The only other way I can think to lure him out Is by telling him that there Is a free prerelease of Mass Effect 2 hidden under a rock in Rotorua. He's also A big fan of munchkin, and we have come down to Hamz before to get some from you guys. I realize you guys send things via mail for free, and hopefully he doesn't look on your site and find that out. If he does you could just tell us that you don't send things to Dirty ugly aucklanders.

Anyway, sorry for rambling.

Mk1

Thanks for the comments - I've never been able to source the Waiting For Santa Munchkin cards separately sorry - they were sold as part of the Christmas munchkin edition (which I've now sold out of and wasn't planning on restocking till next Christmas!) I could certainly reorder for you - but it won't be here till mid/late next week at the earliest! That's also the next chance that our supplier will have Muchkin Fairy Dust on hand as well... sorry we struck out but thanks for the entertaining web submission!

Me

Oh the timing is fine. I have to get him outa the house on the 13th of march so that should be plenty of time to order anything in. Hmm, Don't worry about christmas munchkin in that case.

Is it still possible to get blank cards still? That would be a cool alternative.

Thanks for your patients. And glad it was entertaining. Ha ha.

MK1

All good - I'll let you know when the Muchkin Fairy Dust arrives - and when I hear back about the blank cards..

Regards

*****

Me

Hi man. any word?

MK1

No two suppliers have it on order for us but both are still waiting supply from SJG.

Me

Ok. Ill be coming up this saturday. We could pretend that the blender pack was one I had specially ordered and have it on hold. Ha ha.

MK1

Only problem is the Blender pack isn't instock.. I have a shipment arriving midweek - so I'll update you with those arrivals after unpacking. Luckily I won't be about this weekend - fortunate because I have a horrible poker face.... Staff member won't know a thing (and furthermore he's of the "won't care either" variety so any discussion of not sending up etc will go unreacted to.

Here's what we have of an SJG nature right here right now:

*A list*

Me

hmmm ok. It would be cool if I asked for the order and you guys could be like "oops, We screwed up, Your order doesn't exist anymore, but we can send it down to you when we find it!" That could be a good compromise.

MK1

There's got to be another option . .. If you can't think of anything (be it another reason to get out of town or another SJG item) I'm sure you will get a response along those lines because my staff member really won't know anything about it.... hopefully you don't give him to hard a time because A: I don't pay him enough and B: He has a pretty short fuse....

There's another store near us that may have Blender or Munchkin Fairy Dust on hand - I'll see if they do and you can always grab off them..

Last resort: I have a few munchkin things (like a lil Cthulhu toy and demo cards) I can always pack these together and you can tell your mate you won a "Pick up from shop" Trademe auction for rare promotional munchkin items... as long as he doesn't get too close a look at the cards he'll be none the wiser...

Me

Aww I couldn't take your stuff man. He would really wanna see the cards anyway. He's quite enraptured by them as well.. Ha ha, Don't worry, I won't blow my top at your guy just for show. Ill just look gutted for a bit and then tell my mate "Hey I got all this money now, Lets go see a friggin movie!" And that should keep us away from aux long enough for everyone to get their act together at home.

there's another comic book store in hamz? No way! Oh wait, you mean the one by the bus depot with all the warhammer.I know the one. If you can grab it off them and put it aside for me that would be great. Then at least it wouldn't look like I made everything up. Ha ha.

That last one was sent the day before we left, So no reply over the weekend. Anyway, We went there and I did the whole routine of "Ah guts, you guys don't have it in? Can you send it? Sweet."

I got Matt Munchkin Bites and the expansion and the guy there got us a discount on it, CAUSE THAT STORE IS PRO.

We went and saw Wolfman, Which was quite a lot less pro than MK1. Quite a lot.

To be honest there is a lot about that day I want to write down, it was epic fun. But I fear I would rather enjoy my evening playing games or drawing, So I'll bullet point my main memories.

"Man the sky is blue!"

Got lost on the way in, looking for parking.

Got a crazy energy drink That tasted like Chinese Gooseberries. We had to double team it to make it go away.

Went to MK1 and went wow at all the comics.

Went to the movies and laughed at wolfmen.

Got some eats from subway. (Later got told off for feeding Matt)

Found a bookstore, Matt got bored and I found RPG books.

"Hey look its a violin" "THATS WHAT I SAID BEFORE"

Went looking for the Rockshop, couldnt find it so we went back to MK1 and asked them where it was. It was around the corner...

Got a pick.

Went to pac 'n slut and DIDN'T find pirate beer. Gutted, Maybe next time.

Found Nicolian and chatted for a bit. (We were already late for the party by now)

"Whatareyoudoingthatsmynewfavouritesong AUAHHH!!"

"There can't be this many people going to Lady Gaga."

"Hey why's Haydens car here?"

"SURPRISE"

4 glasses of beer. People are shocked and awed that all my morals have gone out the window.

Biffing glowsticks.

A speech about how Matt smelled like poo when we first met.

Watching a slideshow of him growing up realizing he looks completely different from his 4 year old counterpart.

Realized Chris Rust looks like Micheal with a beard.

Went home and crashed like a mother f-

Coopers beach Kids Camp

It has been drawn to my attention dear reader that I have been neglecting you. So I shall embark upon enlightening you on what I have been Up to in the past MONTH. Or more specifically KIDS CAMP. The most hallowed and revered camps I ever go to as a leader (And consequently the only one I go to these days).

As tradition holds I generally waste myself the day before the kids come. I need to get a head start on the limping etc. Insteading of owning a kid with a set of tires, I this time unceremoniously jumped off a chicken coop, landed on the slope wrong, and twisted my ankle. At this present moment I still limp when I start walking. Peaves me off. Usually takes a little more than that. But I guess that what comes with age *drops false teeth in a frothy cup of water to disinfect them*.

The entire camp was Filled with the one quote "Ah GUUuD wone!" (Say it in an indian accent).

It was rather odd. My team seemed to own up at every team sport we took part in. Not so bad for 10 year olds versing older ones. *Is proud*

But the sad thing is, near the end we were leading by so much that for an entire day they didn't give us any points (without telling us of course) and then forgot to put our points back on later so same lame team won anyway. Eh. "PARAAMEDICS!!!" is all I have to say to that (Our team name)

One of the team activities was to run up and down the beach finding leaders and getting bits of a memory verse of them. They were disguised, and sometimes obscured. To find out if the person was someone who was part of the game the kid had to run up to them and ask them if there was "Something that you like" and the leader would reply "Yes. Jesus." In retrospect this probably wasn't the best code phrase to use. Imagine your some chick sunbathing at the beach and half a dozen preteens charge you and then demanding whether there was something that you like.

With all that said and done, here are some pictures that will leave more questions than answers.

Earning money online (Is it possible?)

YES. Its possible. If you want to waste valuable mucking about time online.

This is a short memoir of my journys into the nether regions of the internet to find wealth and fortune. I mostly found half ass blogs and bad websites with more ads than actual content. Seriously, those money making sites are the most horrible things I have ever seen. They all seem to be slapped together by amateurs who have a thing for horrible primary colours and flashy gif images. Their so tacky! They look like they came out of the 90s or something.

But yeah, I totally enjoyed getting shafted by tacky sites and wasting my time. I found one or two sites that are promising, but for the most part they only give you about 20 cents a day. And you have to amass 10 bucks before they plonk anything into your paypal account. LAME.

I found this one place called mylot thats sorta intriguing. APPARENTLY they pay you to post on discussions and junk. Its quite odd. Everything seems so contrived on the site. You can tell most of the people are really scrapping the barrel for subjects.Imagine a social networking site that no one likes, but everyone uses anyway because it gets them a bit of pocket money. That's pretty much mylot. You can see I'm really trying to selling them huh? But why listen to me??? Find out for yourSELF =D By clicking THAT THERE. So I can EARN MORE MONEY. WOW. Guaranteed MILLION DOLLARS ON SIGN UP. NO VIRUSES. PLEASE GIVE ME YOUR CREDIT CARD DETAILS. myLot User Profile

P.s. Matt lost his virginity.

so its 2010 right..

I have a few subjects to cover today. Let me start with a small story

And with that he lost his virginity. He looked down at her and she smiled. Their bodies still intwined.

"So how was it for your first time." she said coyly. He smiled at this.

"It was pretty good. Not as good as Avatar obviously. But you know... that goes without saying."

She smiled and kissed him. They both knew it was true. After that movie, nothing was as good.

And that's probably the best way I could tell you what I thought of Avatar without going into detail about it.

Secondly: Happy new years biatch! Did you see that moon? Well if you didn't Ill totally get some pictures of it up. It looked epic. Fortunatly Matt was there to catch the glorious mooniness of it all. New years resolution. Go outside again sometime this year and see how the moon and stars are doing. also: sleep outside. That would be mint, plz k thx amen.

thirdly: I let the cat stay inside. as soon as I turned the lights off it started licking itself. Cause you know stroking yourself with your toungue in the dark enhances the experience. But even so, it sounded disgusting. So I kicked it outa my room and closed the door. Who knows what happened to it after that.

Finally. For those of whom read my Izak*Steve blog, back in the day. You may recall (although maybe not because it was 5 years ago) me making a song and dance about a danish cartoonist Kurt Westergaard who drew a toon of muhammad as a bomb. Five years down the track a Muslim extremist tried getting him in his own home. This is not cool. They can all go suck a dictionary.

people should not have to fear for their life when giving their opinion, and certainly not when drawing a cartoon, and if you don't agree with that ILL KILL YOU.

House Sitting & living with a expletive cat

So I've been house sitting for Jono and Chris at their sweet ass pad. On Saturday (My first day on watch) the other dude turned up (Sorry man, your name is like a beautiful butterfly, which flits off never to be seen again.) So I was like oh ok, no need for me to be here today. On sunday Chris rolled up, exact same circumstances. So I didn't need to worry that day either. On monday Jono's brother was there. but not to stay, so a little awkward but all good. It is now tuesday night. And my what a rickrolling time I have had. Monday I was hesitant using their microwave. And the cat kept me company while I watched Shooter. What a nice friendly cat. Apparently it doesn't belong to them but they feed it anyway. Its got a bell and everything. Anyways, kicked mister cat out for the night. couple hours later its crying on the back step. It went on and on for ages. So I did what I normally do to things that don't shut up. Went outside and give it a friendly boot. And then a shoe for extra measure. Every few hours after that it would come and cry at the door. To be honest Im not really to sure what to do with it. considering its not theirs and everything. And I've been brought up to believe that cats live outside at night.

So yea, the lil shit will cry at the door and then run away when I came to let it in (Try the other tact since kicking it didn't help) Unfortunatly it remembered my legs so yea. Wasn't going near 'em again. So much for a good sleep.

Tonight I'm going to let it sleep inside, since apparently its forgiven me now (Since its been

raining). Its sitting on the bed beside me, every now and again making sensual advances towards my lap. Where it can lovingly perforate me with its little claws.

Also The toaster doesn't seem to pop the toast out. It just seems to sit there, happily burning that slice of toast that was silly enough to fall into its clutches.

Feel free to come over and bring me something to eat. Also I will give you a free cat.
Christmas Girl: 2009 2010 2011 2012

two thursdays

Two thursdays a go I went to hamilton. Two thursdays ago I said goodbye to my grandma for the last time.

Me, Matt 'n Keir had been gearing up for ages to go to Hamilton for no reason for a while now, to celebrate Matt having his full license. We had a chilly bin full of coke, a shit load Matthew the mathematician carefully calculated.

We were getting ready to go when keir suddenly had a job interview, so she went off to do that. About the same time Dad sent me a text. Grandma was on the way out and I should probably go see her while I had the chance. She had been going down hill for the past week or so, going in and out of conciousness.. Water in the lungs etc...

I decided to walk. The day was AWESOME. The sun was blasting down on us, but there was still a slight morning chill about the air. so it was comfortable. I sipped on one of our cans on the way across. My mind wandered in other directions. Dredging all my memories of Grandma up. The two that popped out as being the earliest sprang to mind quickly.

I must have been about 4-6, cause I couldn't read at the time, but I had developed a sharp interest in Asterix comics (as well as tintin, but there was far to much talking in that for me to handle,) and I'm sitting with grandma making her read bits of it to me that piqued my interest(Asterix in Belgium). Pointing at one frame I ask her what it says "Lets get them!" she says in her old person voice. "And what does that one say?" "Aaaaaaaarg." she replies. Cracks me up now thinking about it.

The other occasion that I recall is when I'm a bit older. She's staying with us and twenty dollars goes missing. I'm instantly blamed. I was furious, the injustice of it all! This was a miscarriage of justice I tell ya! She found it behind her bed a few hours later and Mum demanded she apologise to me. Ha ha. After that I vowed that if I was blamed for stealing and I hadn't, I would go and nick something so at least it was true. Lol, kidding.

Although, which is better, Being bad and having the truth? Or being good and given a lie? I

I made it to the hospital and found mum beside her knitting, which sort of reminded me of those movies when someones about to be hung, and the old woman are suddenly compelled to make that scarf they were working on last execution. Grandma was having trouble breathing, and was unconscious. I had never seen her that bad before. She's that grandma thats always in hospital for one reason or another. Oh did I mention she once drove her car down a bank, and into someones deck/house?

Mum said that Grandma could probably still hear us, so we were encouraged to talk to her. It was an odd one sided conversation, telling her about my plans for the day etc, and then talking to mum about her own parents and grandparents (My great grandparents). It was a real cool experience really. It felt like I was listening to all of these stories of my long gone past. The sun was still filtering through the window. It was ground level so you could look straight out onto the trees and grass.

Mum asked me what my goals were. Not thinking overly hard I told her how I want to update the parables to a more modern context. get some humour in there etc, help people relate to it, the same way they did back in the day.

The time passed quickly. I kissed grandma, and gave a jovial goodbye as I went to meet Matt 'n Keir.

We got ice and a chilly bin, filled it with our "shit loads" of coke. At PaknSlave the checkout girl asked us why were going to Hamilton "Uh no reason, just cause we can really." "Their going to the comic bookstore" Keir said truthfully. I went and stole something so at least I could be bad and live with the truth. My awesome street cred was totally destroyed with that comment Keir, THANKS. Lol. Kidding once again, ahhh. What a card Izak.

We played road games all the way there, and listened to our combined music. Unfortunatly I went mental when choosing my own music, so about 90% of the music on the player was mine. Oops.

The crazy thing about the tron is that (as Matt observed) You only need to take about two right turns from his house to get to the Hamilton CBD. So we never got lost. Which is cool. But it would have been cooler if we had ended up in Wanganui (With or without an H its still the same place. AKA we must have missed a turn off and went a waaaay to far.)

We were all sorta spooked by the tron. Where were all the people? Why is it so quiet? Why does the Mc Donalds wait for its ingredients to spontaniously pop into a product resembling a burger rather than doing it by hand (Which takes about a trillion years less time to do). Oh wait. Were not in Auckland, ha ha, Silly us. We got to the comic book store, got a 20 sided Die and another munchkin expansion.

Just on the outskirts of town heading home I got a text saying Grandma had just died at 2. I guess it was time.

Bradley Hathaway came on the radio. And it was really good to listen to.

to be continued (Much like the last post I did.)